He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My dick has a subreddit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.