just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....