the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.