I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.