do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.