you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
