My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
