Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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