I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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