You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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