WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
bring money and cleavage
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize