Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
