My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
