im holly from the hills drunk
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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