Porn is love you can see.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
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It's just like the Real World with babies
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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