well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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