and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
