I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
