Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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