I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish you could order shots online.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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