I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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