He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
