proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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