If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
