she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
