Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
