i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
