what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
