Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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