I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize