remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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