Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
