my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
