Buhtt sex?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
