I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
