your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
