if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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