You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
