WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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