Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
