just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
