I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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