News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
