Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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