Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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