Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
