He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
