dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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