She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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