her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Everything about him screamed your future.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
