We're like a lot better than the average bears
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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