Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
