There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
