and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
