Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
