i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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