that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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