Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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