Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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