Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
