I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
