You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER