I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit