Please, let me fuck your mom
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."