My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.