i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.