sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.