that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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