i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
They took my balls.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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