Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
