you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
