dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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