your room smells of hookers.
And success
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
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He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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